MOONLIT VALLEY
Friesian cows graze between timber shacks, cornfields and the lake. Inside the ring road, an empty rail paddock waits: The Donkey Farm.
CALL · MOO
You fly the saucer across a seven-land tour — from a moonlit valley and fiat town to Mars and the Moon — all occupied by the Cult of the 600 Billion. Beam up the local animals (they flee), beam up cult leaders (they absolutely do not, they think you are the mothership), dodge the fiat drones, and carry the faithful to the sacred stone. It is not a cult. It is a leaderboard.
WASD or arrows to fly. Hold Space to beam, Shift to deploy a stored special. P or Escape pauses; resume returns through a protected 3–2–1.
Left pad to fly, hold BEAM to abduct, tap SPECIAL to deploy. Works on iOS and Android in the browser.
Left stick or d-pad to fly, A to beam, X/LB for a special, Start to pause. Arcade cabinet ready.
Every council opens the route to the next land. The herd changes with the ground beneath it, and every animal has its own silhouette, movement and positional call. Each land also keeps a minority species in with its headline animal, so a field reads as livestock rather than as one prop cloned sixteen times.
Friesian cows graze between timber shacks, cornfields and the lake. Inside the ring road, an empty rail paddock waits: The Donkey Farm.
CALL · MOOThe gate was left open and the whole herd is loose, each one wearing a faint orange glow. A donkey never rides in the hold: catch one and it hangs under the hull, hee-hawing, until you set it down inside the rails. Pen all seven for the round-up bonus.
CALL · BRAYGoats pick their way past adobe compounds, dry scrub and red rock.
CALL · BLEATReindeer cross the snow beside log cabins and a properly frozen lake.
CALL · GRUNTSheep on the tops, drystone walls over the ridges, a peat loch and a single-track lane.
CALL · BAAPork bellies between brick terraces and sodium lamps. The live transmission line is this town's obstacle alone.
CALL · OINKGreys graze Cydonia in the shadow of the Face. Gravity is 38%: what you drop, hangs.
CALL · WARBLEThe cows from the rhyme, still up here, in fishbowl helmets. Gravity is 17%.
CALL · LOW MOOSpecial cargo remains proudly bovine: the Golden Calf, cattle convoys and COW RAIN always deliver cows.
Every so often a glowing crate streaks down with a locator beam you can see across the map, and its power-up glyph riding above it, so you know what is coming before you get there. Beam it up before it fades. Fast buffs ignite at once; HODL SHIELD, BLACK HOLE, EMP and COW RAIN enter your reserve to deploy when you choose:
The beam drags animals, cultists, even normies toward the column. Nobody escapes the pull.
A crystalline lattice with twin gyro rings round the hull. Bullets, lightning, audits: nothing gets through while it holds — and it flares to show you what it ate.
Thrusters at +55%. Fiat cannot catch you, and neither can much else.
Double points on everything. Stack it with 600B MODE and watch the number go up.
Enemy fire and flight at half speed. Confiscation delayed indefinitely.
Opens a singularity where you stand. Animals, normies and stray bullets spiral in; the ledger accepts all entries. Cultists are exempt by prophecy.
One bright ring: every bullet in the sky dies, and drones, farmers and helicopters stand there blinking for six seconds.
The mothership tips over a pen. Eight cows parachute into the valley — beam them mid-air or let the herd grow.
Every wave clear offers three upgrades. Pick one, keep it for the run:
Fly in damaged and a fourth option appears: DECLINE, which skips the upgrade and restores one energy cell instead. It is only ever offered when you are hurt, and it does not count as an install.
Rare, quick, and entirely red (the cult insists she is golden). Worth 1,000 and half a 600B meter.
Hover the beam over corn to build five tiers, ending in a standing-corn Bitcoin mark. From wave five, formation III calls a FIAT COMBINE from the nearest farm. Beam it, stun it with EMP or feed it to a BLACK HOLE for +500 before it erases the art. Mars and Moon send sealed pressure-cab variants.
Chain abductions to fill the meter: ten seconds of gold beam and double points.
Every fifth wave a black helicopter comes to audit you. A danger mark, lock sound and off-screen compass warn each volley. The first audit fires two shots and takes about five seconds of beam contact; later audits fire four. A white-green flare and pulsing boss bar confirm every hit. +5,000.
Every third wave: rain, darkness, and telegraphed lightning that splats anything it touches, including you.
Dropped cargo keeps your momentum. Yeet an animal into a normie for +400 and no apologies.
Every fourth wave the sky falls. Dodge the telegraphed impacts, then beam the glowing sky ore before it cools. +350 a rock.
Every seventh wave the moon turns rust. The herd runs scared and pays double, wolves sing, and the golden calf grazes boldly.
Lorries run the ring road with penned cows aboard. Beam the cargo off a moving flatbed for double points. They will honk. Ignore it.
Complete a council and move on: Moonlit Valley, Desert Mesa, Frozen Valley, High Moor, Fiat Town, the Red Planet and the Near Side. Each land has its own terrain, gravity or hazards, soundtrack, animals, locals and drones.
Build formation III in Valley; burst Mesa's pumpkin; crack Snow's ice; wake Moor's cairn; drop a Town pylon; scan both eyes of the Face on Mars; repossess the Moon flag. The live tracker keeps the target or progress recoverable, then points to the named supply drop after each one-shot lock restores 15% energy.
Drop sats on the pre-flight screen and fly blessed for 24 hours: +20% core capacity and a charged HODL shield at launch. The mothership will thank you personally.
Every UTC month is an epoch. Best score of the epoch ranks you; every completed day's top harvest banks a daily crown beside your name.
Leave the menu alone for thirty seconds and the saucer flies itself, cabinet-style. Press anything to take over. Demo runs keep no scores.
A pine that twitches. A hay bale that breathes. A snowman nobody built. Beam the oddities open — a cult leader hides in every one, and the announcer says their name.
Thirty-one leaders of the leaderless, lovingly caricatured, all roaming the seven lands to be carried to the stone. Deliver twelve different leaders in one run to assemble the Council of 600, raise the golden pillar and continue the tour. The ledger also keeps The Congregation: every soul you ever deliver is remembered across runs — gather all thirty-one and the roofless First Temple by the north fields is finally full.
Badges persist across runs and publish as award tags on your Nostr score events.
Every score is a signed Nostr event. Sign in with your own key (NIP-07 or Signet) and climb the board as yourself, or play as a guest with a local key and a callsign. The board has ALL TIME, TODAY and monthly SEASON tabs. A deterministic Daily Signal deals a new one-flight contract at midnight UTC from a pool of fourteen, reshuffled every cycle so it never becomes a timetable, and paying 3,000 to 10,000 depending on what it asks. Completed days build a streak: from two days running the perk draft deals you a fourth card, while finished daily boards award crowns for the current epoch. Compatible with gamestr-arcade leaderboards.
The game is free and skipping is always allowed. Donations are optional and gratefully mooed, bleated or grunted at. Patrons fly blessed for 24 hours with +20% core capacity and a stored HODL shield.
